her vagine was all disorganized.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
