I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
