I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
