She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
