Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
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He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
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I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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