Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
