it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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