i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
