Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
