Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
