Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
