wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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