He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
