There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
