I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
