my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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