i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I lost the right to judge tonight
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
