Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
