Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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