I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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