Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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