your thong is hanging out like whoa
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
