I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Vodka?
Forever.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
