Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
