'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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