Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
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it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
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When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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