He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
