dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
