DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
