1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
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The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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