I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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