I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
