We named our party play list daddy issues
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Boobs speak an international language.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
