there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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