In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
