Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
