my phone needs a breathalizer
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
