a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
