my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
