I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
