This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
