i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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