i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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