I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I would fuck him just for his dog
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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