My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
