I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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