I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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