I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
