I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
