I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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