I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
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Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
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I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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