3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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