Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
