5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
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tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
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You made out with two different species that night
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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