Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
my shit smells like andre
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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