Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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