We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
