is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
