ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
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There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
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Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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