I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize