I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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