you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
