Swine flu. Run for my life!
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
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you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
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Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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