from now on my penis is your penis
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
