Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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