On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
