Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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